Saturday, August 22, 2009

Things I’m Afraid of: Americans

Last night I saw "Inglourious Basterds" with my family and [now former] coworkers at the Lincoln Square Cinema in Bellevue, Wa.  As always happens at Lincoln Square, the theater has crawling with tools whom are a Herpes diagnosis away from a VH1 reality show.   Needless to say they formed into the I.B. audience.   Needless to say there were great eruptions of applause for corporal punishment toward Germans and awkward shifting during the scenes that might just be criticisms of said punishment.  It was another "Fight Club" situation where satire is overshadowed by badassness. 

I think David Bowie understands my pains:

Saturday, January 24, 2009

THings I’m Afraid of: My Mouth

I month ago I found a strange pearl colored object in a side pocket in the back of mouth, it looked like this: 
(way in the back, by that dangly thing)

I dug it out with a tooth brush, gaging to the break of repulsive coughs. It smelled like shit, and looked like cartilage

I'm not sure if it was food that got stuck, or a soft tooth that grew from my tonsils.  It did explain my constant bad breath.   What ever it was, it came back...!  I dug it out, it smelled, and was larger than before.  I hope it doesn't grow back! 

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Things I’m Afraid of: Christians

So today is supposed to be "A day without a Gay", a plot by the Christian right to demonstrate how "wonderful" the world would be if there weren't any homos around.  Despite their efforts to show a blissful land of comfort and cleanliness, I showed you.  Take that, Christians! I was still here! I went to work and even ate at Taco Bell!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Things I’m Afraid of: Skin

  • Skin that burns
  • Shin that melts
  • Scabbing skin, except after a shower because wet scabs are soft and peel
  • Winter hand skin that cracks and bleeds
  • Pimples! 
  • Skin grafts (weird! think about it?)
  • Moles (Am I part African?)
  • Wrinkles (everywhere!)
  • Penises without foreskin (what's up with that?)